Checklists

I'm addicted to checklists. Lists of what has to be done for school, for primary, around the house, inside closets, for bills, for committees, what to buy at the store, what to do while the kids are in lessons, who needs to be called, e-mailed--you name it, I make a list out of it. I keep a notebook on my bedside table to jot down anything I might have left off of my list for the next day-or any of my other lists. Having a checklist (or a lot of them) keeps me sane--more than anything else, I have lists because I tend to have a hard time staying focused on one thing at a time. I bounce all over the place. With a list I can organize my thoughts about every activity, everything in my life and make sure that it gets done.

Now, this doesn't mean everything on my list gets done. I wouldn't sleep if that were the case. Sometimes I still forget things. But most of what I write down does get done. And it doesn't mean that if I call you that you're on my list of people to call--sometimes I just call. And I can be spontaneous, too, throughout the day. It's just that having a list helps out my organization. A lot.

But this week I hit my breaking point.

I'm sure everyone has lists--I mean, how could you keep track of everything if you didn't?--so I don't think I'm different by any means. But on Wed. it hit me. My whole Wed (and really this whole week) had become nothing but a checklist. And not in a good way. I mean, I was literally running the checklist through my head the entire day--really, the whole week--and then double checking what was in my head with what I had written down. I don't think a few minutes went by when I wasn't mentally checking off items. Here's an example of my thoughts on Wed: Wake up (check), contacts-very important! (check), vitamins (check), e-mail (check), breakfast (check), teeth (check), kids ready/drive to school--don't forget libe books (check), vaccum (check), bake cupcakes for trunk-or-treat (check), (is this sounding familiar to all of you yet?) clean kitchen (check), babysitting co-op (check), frost cupcakes-remember sprinkles (check), phone calls (check), games in bag for trunk-or treat (check)--that's about it by 10:30 a.m. I won't bore you with all the rest of the exciting details of my Wed. I won't even go into what Sunday was like with the primary program, or Friday with class parties and meetings. You would be bored to death.

Please note: This isn't a "look how busy I am" post. Everyone I know is just as busy--most of you are busier!--and I think that being busy is a good thing! This is a post about balance because I this week I was actually saying "check" in my head once something was done!! I could hear myself saying it!! And it wasn't just for big things--it was for things like "wipe off the counters" (check). I wondered if I needed to check myself into some kind of institution or help group. What would that be called? List Makers Anonymous?

This realization has made me do some inner soul searching (and no, I didn't make a list of what I needed to do to search my soul although some weeks I might have). Have I actually become so obsessed with lists in my life that I'm talking to myself--which really isn't too bad, but saying "check" to the list in your head? How crazy is that? What if I couldn't accomplish everything on my list--or at least the majority of it? What would happen?

Truthfully, I shudder to think about that. But this week I think I've learned that I need to cut back on the lists a little. I have to make sure that I'm not ignoring what's really most important in order to cross an item off my list. And I really don't think that I do that too much, but sometimes I become a drill sargeant with my kids--because they should know that I have a list and that we have to get X done by 7 p.m. so that we still have time for showers and books before bed. And don't they know that dishes have to be done by 6:45?

Is this good or bad? I think my lists are good for the most part. They really do keep me going. But like anything else I think we (meaning me) can get so caught up in the getting done that we (meaning me) really don't stop and smell the roses along the way. Perspective has hit me straight in the face this week.

So maybe I should cut back on the lists. Well...maybe just a little bit. I'd better go make a list about how to do that:)