Overcoming Fears

Yesterday I overcame one of my fears. I played tennis. No, it wasn't earth shattering, but for me it was an accomplishment. Let me give you a little background.
I started playing tennis in junior high. I did clinics, played on the junior high team, etc. I had the bug. By high school, I was at 5 a.m. weekday clinics at our club (before going to early morning seminary), and pretty much played every day except Sunday. In Idaho, you could play fall and spring tennis and so I did, then would go hit afterwards. I wasn't great, but I was decent.
Here's a pic of me and my partner at State in 1989 (was it really that long ago?-check out the bangs). We're getting coached right before our third set--I only remember because I wrote it on the back of the pic:) We ended up taking 2nd that year.
So in college I taught a couple of summers for a rec program, played a few intramurals, and hit whenever I could. I had always imagined that I would marry someone who was a really good tennis player, that our kids would start hitting from the time they could hold up a racquet, and that we would spend our spare evenings at the club. When that didn't happen, I kind-of gave up tennis for a while. Chris doesn't really play that much, but we would go out and hit now and then.
When we moved to Missouri, the nearest club was an hour away. Then med school, etc. started and we couldn't afford to join anywhere-and Chris was way too busy. During med school one of his friends asked me to sub on a team he played on, so I did. I went in cold to one game and was humiliated. All I can say about that experience was that it was awful.
I took the kids out now and then to play, but it seemed like we always had something else going on.
Flash forward to this fall. The kids asked me to take them out because they're interested in playing. Then a friend posted a pic of our tennis team from high school on facebook. Then the other co-room parent I'm working with told me she had joined a club. Then I started talking to other people. I got the bug again.
But could I really get back out on the court? It's been 14 years since I really played a set--if you don't count complete humiliation and I prefer to ignore that incident. So I met with a couple of pros last week to determine where my playing level was at. Quite a ways from where I used to be (again, not great, but decent back in the day), but I loved hitting again. Midcourt volleys, overheads,--my muscles tried to remember--my brain could, but making my muscles do it was another thing. But it hit me that it was time to play again. I've missed it too much not to. And it wasn't like Chris wouldn't support me in anything I want to do--he's always been supportive of anything I wanted to try. So he was on board--he even said he'd take lessons!
One pro said he would put me on the schedule to play this week. I could try out their leagues and see what I think. What? You're kidding me. I prefer not to completely and utterly embarass myself. He said it would be good to just try it out. So I agreed.
All morning yesterday I felt sick to my stomach. I can't say how nervous I was. But I did it. I overcame my fear. I played a set of singles. First to 8, win by two, one hour to play. Our final score was 6-4. I lost. I double faulted a few times. I hit a couple of homeruns, hit into the net, but I also hit a few winners. Was I as good as I used to be? No. But boy, it felt good to be out on the court! And I overcame my fear!! Today every muscle in my body hurts--I should say that after I finished yesterday every muscle in my body hurt. Abs started lessons last night.
This morning I'm playing again. Doubles. Haven't played that since the afore-mentioned humiliation 10 years ago. But today I'm not as much nervous as excited. I guess that's what happens when you overcome your fear.
It's like when you are little and standing by the side of the pool and your parents say, "jump!" but you're too afraid to because you don't know what will happen. Once you take that first jump you realize that you're going to be o.k.
What is your fear? Have you set something aside that you love because you're afraid of what will happen? Are you afraid to try something new? My challenge to you is to try it and see what happens. It could be humiliating. You could double-fault twice in one game. But it might awaken in you something that you've forgotten was there.
*postscript: doubles lots of fun--didn't trust myself enough to poach. was invited to split court time with a group of women--yay!

Worth It

Yesterday afternoon we went to a NICU reunion for NICU grads, their families, their docs, NNPs and nurses. About 800 people had RSVP'ed for the event, so it was quite a sight. This was one of the sweetest experiences for both Chris and me.
Most of our married life has been spent with Chris in med school, residency and fellowship (10 years out of 14). I'm ashamed to admit that at times I griped about the long hours (particularly during fellowship--at one point in preschool when Abs was asked what her daddy liked to do she replied "work") but like anyone whose husband works a lot of hours I learned that you can spend your time complaining and be miserable or you can decide to deal with it. I dealt with it. It helped, too, that Chris tried to be home as much as possible. And I also have to admit I have griped about the six-figure student loan debt we had to take out for Chris to get through med school. But I also realized that this has always been his dream and I was more than happy to do whatever would be required to make that happen. He does the same for me.

Yesterday was worth it.

Now, you have to know that I don't see Chris at work. I know his partners, and quite a few of the NNPs and nurses, but that's it. I meet him for lunch when possible, but it's not like the NICU is exactly a "bring your child to work" kind of a place.

The minute we walked into the reunion, I heard, "Dr. Stapley." And I started meeting all of these parents whose children Chris had cared for. Some had children in the NICU for months, some a few weeks, some had a twin who'd died, most had children who were only 1 or 2 lbs when they were born. Chris had a story for every baby. I had to choke back the tears more than once.
To see the children Chris was able to help, to see their smiling parents, to see everything come together--the answer to why we've sacrificed so much--it was truly overwhelming.

Yes, everything, everything was and is worth it.

Here are a couple of families:

I only met a fraction of the people Chris spoke with because the kids only had eyes for the inflatables and bird show and cupcakes.

Lisi took on the inflatables--she powered through even the older-kid one.

Kierst helped out with a "magic trick" during the bird show. She loved every minute of it and even got to hold and pet birds afterwards.

Abs overcame her fears and held a miniature parrot for the first time (no pic-I was holding Lisi who was also holding one). She also enjoyed the sweets.

It doesn't get much better than this.

Preschool

It's hard to believe that Analise is already old enough for preschool. Of course, since school started for everyone else 2 weeks before, she has been ready since August! Analise is VERY attached to her "kitties" (you don't want to know what I went through to find the orange one when we thought we'd lost it) and decided to throw a fit once she learned they couldn't go with her. But thanks to her two big sisters who bend over backwards to make her laugh she was all smiles when we headed out the door. Needless to say she loves preschool (especially the painting) and her teacher!

First Day of School

There's something special about the first day of school...kids up early...kids excited for school...mom making breakfast on a weekday...
Chocolate chip pancakes--yum!
No idea why Abs is in her Christmas jammies...

Kierst ready for 4th grade!! Abs ready for 1st grade!!

Analise had her backpack on, too, ready to go.

Last Days of Summer

Even though summer has officially been over for two weeks (since school started), I'm still officially in mourning. I already miss getting up in the morning having the whole day to pretty much do whatever we want, even if that means just swimming all day. I also miss having everyone at home!!

Here are some of the final pics of summer:

At Deanna Rose Farm

Gardner Water Park

Powell Garden--fun but waaay too hot. The kids were melting outside. They had an exhibit where you could touch monarch butterfly caterpillars. You could also watch the butterflies emerge from their cocoons.

Catching bugs

Cooling off in the fountain afterwards. I forgot swimsuits but it was so hot I couldn't not the kids get wet.

Independence Center.

Seattle--Part 2

With the cousins at Andrew's baptism.

Snoqualmie Falls

Chris had to look for vugs in the rocks. Not quite the same as Southern Utah!

Eating ice cream at Boehm's. Yummy!

Lake Sammamish--the kids' favorite part of our trip. And I would have to say it was mine, too. Riding behind the boat with my nieces was a blast.

Fruit roll-up break!

At Trophy Cupcakes in Ballard-what I consider the best cupcakes I've ever had.

A, B, & C eating lunch.

We saw boats coming in and out using the locks at Ballard and even spotted a large school of salmon.

Mount Rainier on the way to Enumclaw to visit the Decker clan.

What I love about visiting my mom's side of the family is that they always make you feel welcome and you always have a good time!

Before we left Seattle, our nieces taught us how to play Rock Band.

If Chris weren't a doctor...

I know I've said it already, but Seattle was fantastic. The kids loved seeing their cousins and are already begging to go back. Thanks to Lind, Cressida, & family and J & K & family and everyone else for all their hospitality and good times!! We can't wait to see you again!