Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day!

Today is the day when I feel happy, guilty, wonderful, pampered, and most of all, GRATEFUL!

First and foremost, I'm grateful to be a mother. That I'm lucky enough to have three children, and even luckier that they are all healthy. To top it off, my oldest one made me an omelet this morning for breakfast--and it was delicious!

I'm happy to be a mom, I loved opening my Mother's Day presents from my children, and proudly wore the jewelry they made to church today. And I felt wonderful watching them sing to me from the stand.

I feel guilty, just because I'm a guilt-monger and always know that I can do a better job as a mom. In our last ward, and I loved my old bishops and bishoprics, so please don't take this as derrogatory towards them in any way, shape, or form, I'm just vocal about my opinions, but every year we were given a pamphlet, yes that's right, a pamphlet for Mother's Day, that told us how wonderful we women are. Talk about guilt. When Chris got put into the bishopric he made sure we received chocolate for Mother's Day. Good man.

I feel pampered today because although Chris had to work all weekend, he made sure that my Mother's Day gift arrived fresh. Fresh, because he bought me a dozen gourmet cupcakes from a new bakery. Yuummmmmy!!! He knows my penchant for gourmet cupcakes (and that when we go to Seattle I'm willing to drive 45 minutes just to get my favorite ones).

Today's also a day when I feel sad because I miss my mom. I try really hard not to dwell on how much I miss my parents, what good does that do? But today I feel the need to reflect on my mom.

Here's a picture of her taken when she was dating my dad. Isn't she lovely??As I was looking through my pictures I realize how few I have of her that are digital. I apologize in advance for the poor quality of the ones I do have, we just bought a new scanner, so I guess I have my work cut out for me!

Here she is at my sister Natalie's wedding.
When I think of my mom, this is how I remember her:

My mom was a determined and opinionated person, I think she had to be, to make it through the life she was given.

Growing up, my mom taught me a lot of lessons. She taught me to be friendly and kind to everyone around me, she made sure I didn't leave anyone out. She was always a lot of fun, no matter what the situation, and taught me to laugh. I can't think of one time growing up when she complained to me about how hard her life was, and mind you she spent over 20 years in a wheelchair, and most of the time was in pain. Now, being a mom, I'll bet she was frustrated that she couldn't do what she wanted to for her children. But every day after school and sports I would sit on the bed next to her and we would talk. She got me interested in politics, dance, music, and tennis, just to name a few. She taught me to have an opinion, speak my mind, and she was always an example of being a missionary. To everyone she met she testified of the restoration of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and faith and how Jesus Christ is our Savior.

This is a really poor quality picture of a picture, but hopefully you can see my mom's smile at my wedding, her smile lit up her whole face.

Here she is with Kierst (3 at the time), and Abs (6 months). They were more than happy to jump on her bed with her. Kierst spent time cutting paper and coloring pictures with my mom, she was a very good artist, and did excellent needlepoint, cross stitch and crochet. It's hard to think of a time when her hands weren't busy working on something for someone.
About 4 years before she died, she had an MS episode that left her a changed person. It paralyzed her hands, her other leg, and left her with dementia. A year after she moved in with me she had another episode that left her unable to swallow, and barely able to speak. Here she is looking at Lisi for the first time, just after we came home from the hospital in March 2006. You can see how changed she is.

One evening, about a month before my mom died, I was sitting next to her bed when she suddenly started talking to me. It was like I was talking to my mom 5 years earlier, she was coherent and could talk easily. It was wonderful, we used to talk on the phone every day. After about 3 hours, she said she had to stop, that she was too exhausted to talk anymore. Then she told me she was ready to go and join my dad.

The next day when I was feeding her she was mad, it came out that she was mad that she was still alive! That tells you how determined my mom is!

I miss my mom terribly, I miss her smile, her laughter, her jokes, her advice. I wish she were here to see her grandchildren, to enjoy their lives and feel their love. I can't wait to see her again, when we will run and jump and dance together.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I'm so grateful to have you for my mom, I couldn't have asked for anyone better.